Hello Hamberites. I have begun this promotional blog to speak of matter of the gravest import: where your vote will fall on election day. Consider the other candidates, who are running against me and trying to sway you from making the right choice. They have no party or slogan, and stand for nothing. Thus, their promises are empty and they will bring us to ruin should their weakness spread into student council.
Now think of me, Ethan! I stand as leader and only member of the newly formed Corruption Party. Unlike the weak cattle that run against me, I stand strongly for making changes and exercising my power, and I even have a party and a slogan to back me up.
| This image sums me up pretty well. |
The first, and most sweeping change I will make will be the introduction of some handy 'bribery boxes' spaced out around the school. These will make for a far more efficient system for anyone wanting to have their voices heard. As benevolent as I am, I would be happy to let you voters have your wishes heard, but there are too many of you for me to effectively go up to bat for each and every one of you. With the bribery boxes in convenient locations around the school, I can ensure that anybody with a concern that really matters to them can be heard by student council., and also greatly increase the profitability of the grade rep position.
Another thing will be the leasing of the football field (to be converted into a stone quarry) to help fund clubs - namely, the critically underfunded D&D club. Never let it be said that I don't care about my subjects, though: with the field leased, I'll kindly convert a portion of out school's nice, flat roof into a backup field until the 12-year lease runs out. The profits from the leasing will allow the purchase of vitally-needed D&D books that will help keep this noble and unsung club running. I'll also pocket some administrative fees, of course.
And finally, as my term nears its end, I shall introduce my final change: a pension plan for retired Grade Reps. Think about it: there's only so much money I can embezzle in one year, and I have needs like anybody else. This modest pension plan (no more than perhaps 10% of the Student Council yearly budget) will ensure that I have enough to live by while you all benefit from the changes I have made. You might worry that the money flowing into my personal coffers is too much for any one person to own, but don't forget: since I'm the only member of the Corruption Party, I don't need to share it with any parasitic party members, and so I'll have enough excess profits to allow a 6% trickle-down percentage going back to you, the students of Hamber. So vote for change on election day. A vote against Ethan is a vote for weakness - but a vote for Ethan is a vote for corruption. Vote Corruption Party for a stronger Hamber!
